Have you ever experienced exclusion? I have, and for a long time, I believed it was my fault and that I needed to change. Thinking this way makes you believe you are the problem.

It took years and an entire career for me to understand that exclusion isn’t a feeling; it’s a reality.

At age 12, I started a choir with my siblings and took on a leadership role. I raised funds, organized activities, and sustained the group because I enjoyed uniting people, even before I could articulate it. Early on, I was told to stop and act my age. As I grew older, I learned the expectations placed on girls: remain quiet, sit still, wait your turn, and defer until you are older. It seemed as though leadership had an age threshold I had not met. I minimized myself and called it patience. I was not alone. Growing up as a girl here means adhering to unspoken rules that are difficult to define. Breaking them, even unintentionally, leads to exclusion. As a result, many pretend to fit in and, in doing so, lose their voice.

Who made those rules? When did that happen? And why do they still exist?

After fifteen years, I have learned that exclusion is rarely personal. It often results from failing to follow unwritten rules established long ago. These rules determine whether you are considered to belong or remain an outsider.

Exclusion prevents many dreams, voices, and valuable ideas from being realized. The system often remains unaware of these losses.

Communities often reject their most innovative young minds, mistaking new ideas for arrogance, even though these individuals could shape the future.

Additionally, the broader system, including institutions, funders, and decision-makers, reinforces these exclusions. Sometimes it is due to an accent, skin color, or because an idea is not presented in a familiar style that has become the accepted standard. Each of these factors, individually or combined, can result in exclusion. These intersections are widespread, and it is our responsibility to recognize them.

We adopted these standards from what we observed on screens and then treated them as if they were inherently ours.

I believe in personal responsibility. However, I have seen many talented individuals blame themselves for systemic failures, believing they are solely at fault. Motivational messages that overlook systemic issues can be harmful. While individuals are responsible for their lives, focusing only on personal responsibility allows the system to avoid accountability. Both perspectives are valid, but we often discuss only one.

How we name a problem shapes everything that follows.

We can identify the problem early. For example, during recruitment, we might state that we lack a diverse pool of candidates. The apparent solution is either to encourage women to apply or, worse, to dismiss the issue entirely. This mindset can undermine the interview process before it begins by preventing genuine reflection on our practices. Such narratives may discourage women from applying or make them hesitant to do so.

The first time I encountered this, a friend confided that she was apprehensive about attending an interview because she was pregnant. She believed she would not be selected and felt compelled to conceal what she called her “condition.” In reality, her only condition was pregnancy.

This illustrates how exclusion operates. The narratives we create influence subsequent actions. Problems are often defined in people’s minds before they are named, which marginalizes the most vulnerable. Without systemic intervention, exclusion persists.

The earlier we start thinking about exclusion, the better.

Co

nsider a classroom of thirty children and the unspoken rules that influence the environment. Immediately, the classroom distinguishes which children are accepted and which are perceived as problems, even before instruction begins. The environment often predicts who will succeed. Some children are viewed as too dark, too poor, too accented, too loud, or simply too different. Each receives a distinct version of the same message from teachers and peers.

Nearly one in three students worldwide has experienced physical violence at school within a year, with girls and children from minority backgrounds most affected. However, the environment can be improved. There is a direct correlation between students’ sense of belonging and their attendance, particularly for students of color and those from low-income families. Small, intentional changes in the classroom can significantly enhance a sense of belonging, especially for those previously excluded. These changes include allowing students to choose their seats, ensuring materials reflect diverse names and families, establishing group rules that encourage participation, and using inclusive language.

Many factors contribute to exclusion, and some of the most influential are rarely discussed.

In a program I worked on, encouraging parents to discuss menstruation was a significant challenge. Because periods are taboo, girls faced bullying and missed school due to shame and a lack of support. The community treated this normal biological process as something to hide rather than address. Change became possible through ongoing collaboration and active listening to community feedback. As parents came to understand that menstruation is normal and should not be concealed, the environment improved.

Inclusion began with a conversation that many adults found uncomfortable. This demonstrates that the effort invested in developing policies must be matched, or exceeded, by the effort to implement them effectively. A policy that remains on paper and does not reach community spaces or parental understanding has not fulfilled its purpose. Real change often starts with a single sustainable entry point, a trusted voice, a consistent space, or a repeated conversation.

Sometimes this requires repeatedly addressing the topic with parents until it is no longer stigmatized. In my experience, building an inclusive environment requires collective effort and sustained, intentional action.

The classroom and the community hall are part of the same system. In both cases, we must ask: How intentional are we in creating environments where everyone belongs?

Now what?

Exclusion is real, and we can address it. As members of the system, we must begin with ourselves.

• Remain focused on your goals, but do not overlook those who are left behind. Exclusion operates across gender, race, class, language, body, and age, often simultaneously. Build coalitions that challenge and expand your perspective.
• Invest in the infrastructure of belonging. Policies should include accountability mechanisms, and national plans must reach communities to ensure the most excluded individuals can participate and lead.
• Put the money where your policy is. Reach the last mile, build accountability into every plan, and measure what actually changes for the people furthest from the center.
• Ask yourself who is absent from the room, and reflect on why their absence feels acceptable. Every hiring panel, funding decision, and selection process is a deliberate design choice.
• Begin early and remain consistent. Create spaces where a girl can discuss her period without shame, a boy can express fear without ridicule, and a child with an accent can be heard without correction. The classroom is more than a place of learning; it is where children first discover their sense of belonging.
• Examine funding flows and consider who benefits. If those most affected by a problem are not shaping the solution, redirect efforts accordingly.
• Observe exclusion, then take action. The gap between recognizing exclusion and addressing it is where the system perpetuates itself.

Further Reading

Crane Center for Early Childhood Research. 2024. “Rebuilding Connections Post-COVID: The Importance of School Belonging for Addressing Absenteeism.” Ohio State University.

https://crane.osu.edu/our-work/rebuilding-connections-post-covid-the-importance-of-school-belonging-for-addressing-absenteeism/

Crenshaw, Kimberlé Williams. 1991. “Mapping the Margins: Intersectionality, Identity Politics, and Violence Against Women of Color.” Stanford Law Review 43 (6): 1241–1300.

Karimi, Maryam, et al. 2026. “Peer Inclusion Has a Greater Impact on Belonging for Students of Color: Best Practices for Instructors and Administrators.” Frontiers in Education 11. https://doi.org/10.3389/feduc.2026.1798600

Lippens, Louis, Siel Vermeiren, and Stijn Baert. 2023. “The State of Hiring Discrimination: A Meta-Analysis of (Almost) All Recent Correspondence Experiments.” European Economic Review 151: 104315. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.euroecorev.2022.104315

UNESCO. 2024. Safe to Learn and Thrive: Ending Violence In and Through Education. Paris: UNESCO. https://www.unesco.org/en/articles/violence-and-bullying-schools-unesco-calls-better-protection-students